i don't know what is happening to me, everytime when my parents call me or somebody mentions them i start to panic, sometimes even crying they are not great people nor super awful ones, but i feel unsafe around them, even if i just think about them not sure if this is a ptsd and self-diagnosis isn't an option. tomorrow (20th october) i'll go to therapist and maybe they amy help me to make things clear. thank you for keeping ventbook, i feel myself heard

Continuing to the last post I am always scared ans I think I'm doing something wrong all ths time ik its anxiety but its bad

i cant get out of bed and i cant eat sometimes what is wring with me?

i hate myself but somehow i can't fix myself I feel like everyone hates me sometimes and I always take criticism personally, I always have, and I only clean the house when no one is around to watch me and judge me and I always feel like I'm being judged and despite that I always want praise so I show people the things I do and then feel horrible and stupid and that I shouldn't have shown them it in the first place when they say something about it. I feel horrible about myself and I wish people would take me seriously. They act like I'm a little kid and that everything is so difficult and they over-explain things to me and I hate it so much and i know that the future is fucked so what's even the point of trying at this point? The earth is doomed and I'm not gonna make it to my 70s or 80s because I'll be drugged or murdered or something because some men are so evil and I hate them all and it's stupid and biased but almost all of the men that have been in my life were horrible. I could never imagine being in a relationship because I feel like no one could ever love me or trust me and I know that it's stupid but I feel unlovable and I wish that the world would end already so I didn't have to think about anything. My art is horrible, and I feel like everything I make is a cheap copy made by a 4 year old. I'm a picky eater and my mother makes me feel horrible about it. I feel like a failure even though I've hardly had time to prove myself. I know that my life is not in my hands. I've accepted that even tragedies have been necessities and everything happens for a reason and "good things" are nothing because materialism and idealism are both stupid because in the end all we are is little pieces of matter in space and we cannot fix the earth, there is not enough time. Somehow humans dying does not make me sad. It makes me strangely relived. Maybe somehow all the damage we've done can be reversed. sorry for ranting. thanks.

Thanks for everything. You were fun to be around. I hope I'll be able to grow to be a better person even without your help.

I keep thinking about what happened to me on my birthday trip to d.c. I hated it so much and my dad makes me feel like it was my fault that it happened. He says I shouldn't have sat down but he told me to sit down so I wouldn't fall. I dislike metros now because of what happened.

My gf is pissing me off. I've been with her for almost 3 months and its starting to make me wanna dump her. I told her Im poly and that I've been crushing on a close friend but she said shes not poly and I respect that, its just. She keeps trying to keep me JUST to her. And I want someone else.

ughh,,, i dont understand why i feel so lonely. Like hell, i have friends or group of friends that i enjoy with but like.. why do i still feel this way. Just like a shadow or a friend in the background. i dont WANT to feel that way.

I feel like a shit person. No matter what I do my friendships end . I've tried so hard to be better but sometimes I don't even know what I'm doing wrong. Do I overthink too much? Is it the way I act..I don't know because people don't know how to fix shit or talk Abt how they feel.

i hate my voice i came so close to ending it i hate sounding gay

chat i lowk js realized i havent eaten a meal in a week and have been living off of leftovers . ouhhh . . i also js ended up relapsing all cuz i was laying down plastic wrap with a . blade thingy whatever theyre called i think its getting rlly bad again, by it i mean everything. parents are assholes and my friends are dropping left and right . plus ppl id rather not see again are showing up online and irl which isnt the best !!! uh . uhmm . i js wanted to yap sooooo ya . have a good night

I hate you

i honestly feel so unwanted and ignored like literally all the time??!?! it's everywhere and i HATE it, i try to reach out to my friends yet a big horrible situaation happens and icant do shit for some reason. I honestly wish that everything was like how it was a few months back, i wish for that time again. I don't know why i wish for it so bad and i feel like the future only waits to bestow horrible shit on me for some reason

idk how much longer i can physically stand the regiment/regispecies community bro o_o . shit is happening like nonstop and its so difficult for me to catch a break. ive really been contemplating stepping back for good, or at least from owning/staffing in any groups, but its been difficult to really consider that after how close ive gotten to people. ive been told that bm is their safe space/comfort place and i would hate to take that from them but ggaawwdddd it would be so nice to just. leave LOL the most frustrating part abt the community is how inconsiderate people are of other people's feelings. especially when it comes to knowing how much certain people have hurt you and your friends and they like...... brush that off. even when they were there for it. ive had to distance and completely block a lot of people i really cared about and trusted bc they went behind my back and friended a handful of individuals who had stalked, harassed and hurt me for MONTHS straight. it just feels like a slap in the face and feels so damn disrespectful. i know i cant choose people's friends for them, and thats not what i WANT to do. everyone is open to being friends with who they want. its just rlly hard to kinda feel like you just got stabbed in the back. im extremely paranoid and anxious because i feel like now that theyve left, become friends with them and because staff members in that server in a matter of TWO DAYS??? just because theyre friends with the owners um??? im worried theyre gonna leak all my personal information and the personal information of my staff members as a whole. granted, i dont really have like anything to hide bc i try to be as open with people as possible and i dont like keeping things from people that i trust/trust me yknow. but still im extremely worried now haha. bm has been thru so much shit these past couple of months and i just really want it all to be over and to be left alone bro HELP!!!!! sorry for the long rant, i know thats what this page is meant for but i still kinda feel bad. oh Well. hope youre at least having a better day than i am : ) take care of yourself and thanks again for listening i appreciate it ^_^

I hate myself so much dawg im so fucking useless even my own FAMILY told me i was useless, they always want me to be perfect they always want me to have perfect grades perfect personality perfect EVERYTHING when they cant even raise me right, i have little to no friends left and all i do is watch tiktok and stare at the wall everyday, ive tried to vent to mu friends and they never even TRIED to comfort me, one time i was talking to them about something that happend too me (i cant talk about it here) and all they did was say "omg im so sorry" and after one of them started talking about the same topic and the other one all of a SUDDEN started comforting them so much so i also did because i didnr wanna seem mean but isnt that fucking unfair....???? Its a trio and they both left me out and barely talk to me anymore, im like a fucking side character in everyones story, people ONLY seem to like talking to me wheb their main person is offline and im just sick of it, i hate everyone i have little to no friends left WHAT AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO DO IN MY LIFE OMG i just want to fucking kill myself i lost interest in EVERYTHING what am i even supposed to do with my life, im seriouslu on the verge of ending it . (Theres more i wanted to mention but im too lazy to mention those)