bella
December 2, 2024 at 1:39:17 AM
What's your favorite song for when you're upset?:
idk
What's your coping mechanism?:
sleeping
Who are your trusted people?:
cara
Would you like me to reply to your entry?:
yes please
ive had a recent eating disorder relapse and im a little lost on what to do. ive been clean since the 8th grade, im nearly 19 now. i dont rlly wanna bring it up to my parents atm because of irl reasons, and i dont have a therapist anymore so im genuinely just looking for any sort of advice i can atp. 'google is free' idc this page feels safer than google el oh el
and, like many others on here, i wanna thank you for having this page open and giving so many people online a safe space they need. its rlly quite incredible for you to do, ty for being incredible ^_^
Replied on: December 2, 2024 at 3:22:46 AM
I've scarcely had to deal with such things myself, so I'm really not sure what advice to offer you, especially since you haven't given me any specific details about your condition; but I'll do my best.
I would firstly recommend figuring out where this sudden lapse came from. What triggered it and why. Then, if you can, find a way to mend your relationship with whatever caused it, be it your relationship with food or your appearance, or even the way other people perceive you. Understanding how and why these things happen, and finding ways to fix it is very important.
I appreciate your trust and I hope that what little advice I had to offer is found helpful. You are a strong person, and you will get through this. Good luck and stay safe.
☆
December 1, 2024 at 11:12:16 PM
What's your favorite song for when you're upset?:
playlist
What's your coping mechanism?:
agere / petre , disconnecting from reality
Who are your trusted people?:
my partner, moots, online dad
Would you like me to reply to your entry?:
mmhm
sorry for being here so much.
I'm NOT the best at writing out my feelings, but I'll try.
I've been dealing with an extremely toxic relationship (platonic, I'm pretty sure I'm still with my partner, I'm not sure though. I haven't seen him so I can't talk about it, but yeah.) This guy I was in a platonic relationship with was horrible. He would CONSTANTLY be texting me and my friends to try and talk to me, though it never works. Then the shit he put me through yesterday I genuinely can't, I ended up telling someone about it and they helped, a lot. It's just I'm terrified of him actually doing the things he said he'd do (doxxing me, etc.) though if he ever does, I guess I could tell the cops idk.
genuinely hope things get better for me, to be honest.
Replied on: December 1, 2024 at 11:53:35 PM
I should collect evidence of everything he's doing, then cut contact completely. If he does doxx you, you'll have proof that he was threatening you with it beforehand, and tell the authorities about it. He can go to prison, and should for what he's doing. 9/10 unless you're a horrible person, no one is going to take that information and use it, so being Doxxed really isn't as scary as it seems unless people have a reason to attack you. Even then, anyone who does can also be reported to the police and arrested.
Stay safe.
Scenegutz
December 1, 2024 at 8:10:21 AM
What's your favorite song for when you're upset?:
I can't listen to songs it makes everything worse
What's your coping mechanism?:
I can't cope, it just pains me to and it's a bad coping mechanism.
Who are your trusted people?:
People who I'm attached to..
Would you like me to reply to your entry?:
Sure?..
I hate being forgotten by my friends, I hate being attached to people I feel like they will just forget me and chose someone over me and I get it I just have such a sensitive heart for a gal, I can't even speak up without crying or getting a lump in my throat, and even if I did I fear people would never believe me and I'm scared of being myself because I might be too pushy and annoying and I just want to end everything already I hate my body and myself I just wish I could rip my guts out and paint with them something that someone will remember me by, I just want to be remembered and told things daily I just want someone to be by my side to care for me and help me out and support me, but no one does, not even when I show hints that I'm doing terrible they just ignore it I hate it I hate, I hate how I easily cry, I hate how I'm forgotten, I hate how I'm just useless and just there in the corner existing, I just want someone to help and be with me... I just wish I wasn't so useless..
Replied on: December 1, 2024 at 11:50:43 PM
It may be time for you to reach out more directly, with the intention of seeking help or letting your feelings be known. It can be difficult, but it doesn't have to be. You are worth the time and energy of others, so let yourself be seen and heard, and if for some reason your friends are unwilling to help you, then that's their problem, not yours.
You're not useless, you hold a lot of worth and value in this world, as much as it may not present itself. You are loved by someone, even if you don't realize it.
copepod
December 1, 2024 at 1:07:07 AM
What's your favorite song for when you're upset?:
six's music box.... Or Wind - Akeboshi.
What's your coping mechanism?:
isolating myself and binging my current interest.
Who are your trusted people?:
siblings & online siblings
Would you like me to reply to your entry?:
yes
copepod
October 25, 2024 at 4:01:33 PM
that was what i wrote here last... it's been over a month, and it's december now.
I'm still not over how my own online brother left me.
"I find that forcing yourself to enjoy things just because someone else does is a hollow way to live. You should enjoy the things you enjoy and bond with those who enjoy them too, and learn to find common ground with people who don't share interests with you in other ways." -ATABOOK owner
I... I don't know how to do that.I can't really bond with people if we don't share interests-- my interests are my personality. Be it mystery flesh pit, Splatoon, Naruto, or anything else. It's always part of my personality to rant about it to deaf ears and then ignore what others have to say if it's not about what I like.
I can't force myself to actually like anything. Most I can do is force myself to make conversation about that stuff.
Anyways, I'm not here to rant about that bitchass from before-- well, not as much.
I like to draw. Drawing is hard. I think I draw great. My irl brother draws. I like his art too, though his style is not for me, and I'd be willing to teach him stuff if I could find a way to not sound condescending.
I lied, I am gonna talk about that asswipe, but let's just call him Blong (not his name).
Anyways, my irl brother posted art to our gc once. It was nice, one of his typical pieces, just a character, probably from the bust up, I don't remember specifics.
Blong complimented it. He said he wished he had my brother's artstyle.
Blong never said that to me.
Blong never complimented me. At least, not that I remember. Another friend complimented my art sometimes, but that's offtopic.
I... don't know why this affects me so much.
It's just a compliment.
I got so jealous I redrew some of my brother's drawings, trying to copy his style. Not sure how that was supposed to help me but whatever. I sent it to him and (as I do for random things mood related) I set my discord status to something about being so jealous you copy an artstyle. He didn't see it, probably. I changed it before he got on because I thought up something funny.
I wish he couldve seen it. It's my only way of conveying feelings indirectly to him. I can't do it directly. It's harder than it should be.
..onto another topic..
I am a hollow human being with a hollow way to live. That's me, and I can't change it-- well I can, I just won't. It's nice of you to have given me that word /g.
I'd been calling me a "husk of myself", but I feel like it's lost it's meaning.
I like the idea of living in some kind of limbo state. No needs to be fulfilled. No responsibilities to think about. Everything is optional. I can talk to people when I want, and social needs that I don't understand are satisfied.
I want people to finally say mean shit to me and make rude comments, and I can finally say shit back. I want people to ask me stuff, and I want people to compliment me.
I like this endless loop I'm in.
P.S. your humor wasn't really well placed. fart/poop jokes don't really land well with me. thanks for the attempt though /g 
Replied on: December 1, 2024 at 4:21:14 AM
I apologize for my misplaced humor; I've stepped away from it because no one seems to appreciate my attempts at lightening their mood. Anyway.
I have no new words for you. What I said before still stands as the best advice I can give you. Whether you take it and learn to interact in different social ways and open up to others or not is up to you. I'm assuming that you're fairly young, so you're still capable of changing your thinking process and learning how and where to fit in with others; it's just a matter of wanting to and putting in the hard work to actually try.
Art is a whole different can of worms, every artists journey will be different, all artists have their own unique way of doing things, and there's no one way of doing art of any kind, nor a "correct" way. Find what works best for you, and practice. Take it step by step and learn new things. Use references, do studies, and yes, copy other peoples styles without stealing their art, because all of that can help you better understand your own work and how different things work. There's lots of cool art servers out there that you can post in and ask for advice from others, but you should never compare yourself to others in a negative way. Instead of thinking "im not good enough" or "i'll never be that good" think, "how can I get better at this thing?" and "what can I do differently to try something new?" Because art is all about trying something new, practicing things that you're not good at because yes, it is hard, but once you get the hang of it, it becomes second nature, an afterthought lost in the strokes of a pencil. You'll get there. You have your whole life to practice art if you give yourself the time to.
Don't hang up your self-worth in the validation or appraisal of others because that will only add to the hollowness that you feel and make your self-esteem even worse. Learn to love and appreciate yourself because that comes before the love of others.
You can do it if you try. But you have to try. Even if you don't know how. How does anyone learn anything without trying, right? Teach yourself something when no one else will or can, because not everything can be taught by someone else.
kats to the uki , katsuki!
December 1, 2024 at 12:09:18 AM
What's your favorite song for when you're upset?:
depends on the reason why im upset, but i reallylike because dreaming costs money, my dear - mitski
What's your coping mechanism?:
ignoring everyone and making false scenariosi i.e acting if i had people hating on me, or if its really bad i end up purging, starving or self harm (im clean 2 weeks from all)
Who are your trusted people?:
my close friends of 4 years but even i then i feel guilty. or sometimes they dont understand. npbdoy ever understands what i do
Would you like me to reply to your entry?:
sure
hi so itd be really funny if my friends recognized me, and this is my first time ever venting on something like this so 
.
i feel bad for everyone around me,im so judgemental and i keep lying im always lying, im not a good person even though i seem to be, im the worst ever and im guilty, myfriends think ive changed in the past 3 or soyears but no im the same. im problematic but i dont show it, because im guilty of myown actions If that makessense. sometimesi make jokes that ill killmyself but it seems that people are realizing that im not joking due to how frequent and the extent i go. ghey havent saifd anything but i know, and ive been told off once because of it lkmfaooo..
another issue im having is the fact that im hyperfixated on my friends to the point im like a fucking lapdog for them because im insane abt them and its so funny, this past week ive only talked to them and once they sleep the exhaustion finally hits me and i get upset and i let that out on everyone else in a way, and when people finally ask im upset or smt i lie and say nothings wrong because im sucha fucking liar.
everyone else in my fucking life seems to have someone else! romantically! but not me! because i havent felt the feeling of love in years! to my family or romantically or to pets, or to anything! im distant? fuck yea in distant not like i can control it , ivebeen numb all my fucking life for some odd reason. i cant fall in love or carefor someone and its fucking sickening!! people always tell me omg ur so lucky youve never been upset over someone or crushing over someone or yadda yadda yadda NO!!! ITS NOT LUCKY!!! IM GONNA CRASH OUT!!
Ive felt like people get bored of mewhich is what i dont want because i actually want friends. One week someones like im so glad that youre my friend and im talking to you and the next they dont even reach out to me, or anything, because im boring and a waste of time
Im in such a financial issue its concerning, because i dont have money for new clothes or wifi / phone bills i cant afford the electric bill , and my parents dont buy me my medication because its to expensive and i cant get mental or physical help because its too expensive, im literally on the brink of death and i need quick help but i cantbecause its too expensive
My parents dont like doctor recommended medicine and they say itll kill me faster and they only buy me natural remedies or vitamins but thats not what i need i literall have almost severe body pain i have untreated pcos i have bowel issues i have severe anxiety i have severe depression but no i cant have medication because itll kill me faster
My parents are 20k in debt to the bank and want to add 500k to that debt and i cant say no because my dad will be like oh you people dont support me in my work and dont let me do anything and dont believe in me and me personally i realy dont want this because if we miss one month we will be ratted out of our own home
My mental health has made me a bad person. I self harm and glorify it when im in an episode, same goes with eating disorders and abusive and toxic relationships.i crave it. I want it when im in an episode. Im ok right now. But when im in an episode i am a horrible person. I am a horrible person and i cant get help because im in a third world country where supposed help is 8 hours away and people care about money more than helping people
I probably left somethings out LMFAO anyways. sorry if im incomprehensible i probably contradicted and repeated but wtv
Replied on: December 1, 2024 at 4:07:04 AM
I'm dealing with pretty much the exact same thing, and I haven't really found a way to help myself yet, so I don't know what to tell you other than if you give yourself time and put in effort to change and be better, you probably will get better. I am still a very problematic person, but compared to 2022 there's no telling I'm the same person; and I did that mostly alone, because my therapist SUCKED.
Believe in yourself and put in the effort yourself first, just to see if you can make improvements on your own. Find a circle of people you can trust to help you on your journey to recovery, and remember that these things don't happen overnight. It took me 1.7 years, it might take you longer, or if you're lucky it might take less time.
As for your romantic affliction, you could be Aromantic, but I'm not the one who can tell you that for a fact, that's something you'd have to go on a discovery journey to find out for yourself.
If you want to chill around someone who knows exactly what you're going through, you can contact me on discord and I'm usually around to just hangout and chat if you need. Otherwise feel free to come back here and rant.
You can do this, and you're not alone.
Bllue
November 30, 2024 at 11:41:22 PM
What's your favorite song for when you're upset?:
Me and My Husband - Mitski
What's your coping mechanism?:
Therian shifting/Pet regression
Who are your trusted people?:
Anyone who takes their time to listen/My circle
Would you like me to reply to your entry?:
If you want! I understand if you don't want to, dw /gen
These kids make fun of my weight and what I eat when I'm just sitting or talking to them without a care in the world. They've done drugs, alcohol, and god knows what else. Why is MY WEIGHT their biggest issue?
"OMG stfu Bllue" When I was talking to someone completely different from them. They're skinny, constantly wearing crop tops and have openly vaped and smoked but I'M their top priority.
My friends from my circle have openly shown dislike towards them. But once my friends were there they switched like it was nothing.
I struggled with my self-image for 5-ish years (I'm 14 now) and only the beginning of this year gained myself back. Is this going to be a cycle? Feel insecure for 5 years, feel good for 10 months then go back to cowering in black sweaters and baggy pants until I find myself again?
Thank you so much for letting people get stuff off their chest. It means so much more than you think 
/pos/gen
-Bllue
Replied on: December 1, 2024 at 3:56:25 AM
There's nothing wrong with being "fat," kiddo. What others think of you doesn't matter, because if they actually wanted to be your friends or were worth your time at all, they wouldn't be sat there making fun of you, or letting other people make fun of you or be cruel to you for your weight or anything else.
If YOU are unhappy with your appearance, then do something to change it, but otherwise, you really don't have to unless it's becoming a strain on your physical health. Eat what you want, do or don't exercise, it doesn't matter, and shouldn't matter, unless you want it to.
You're perfect the way you are, and it truly is a matter of personality over physical appearance, don't forget that. You're just a kid, and there are more important things to worry about than your appearance.
Never force yourself to change because of someone else, and don't let those assholes get to you. You got this, lil buddy!
alan
November 30, 2024 at 4:08:44 PM
What's your favorite song for when you're upset?:
mice on venus - c418, not only is it nostalgic but also so, so calming man
What's your coping mechanism?:
i wouldn't consider it healthy, but zoning out and detaching myself is the way to go!
Who are your trusted people?:
best friend numero uno, best friend numero dos, my boyfriend
Would you like me to reply to your entry?:
i'd appreciate it but do not mind if i am skipped over
im nearing 17, i have a sweet boyfriend and a limited, yet highly appreciated circle of friends whom i love with all my heart, and yet i feel so hollow
my entire identity and who i am as a person feels so blurry and unclear
i have a bajillion different names, most of which are ""stolen"" from fictional characters whom i heavily relate to. i dont mind having all these names. hell, i'd argue they have helped me with picking and choosing what im comfortable with since i, alike to many other people, am trans(masc). i like all of the names i adopt but i dont know if i can ever imagine myself actually attaching myself to a select one. its scary. im scared that if i ever get to change my legal name, i'll go through all the heinous procedures and then get "bored" of it after a month
im so scared that im just? not a person. i don't feel like a person. i feel like i'm just a mold full of these silly fictional characters i attach myself to and i dont see anything outside of just.. that?
ive noticed that depending on the character im fixated on i tend to pick up their mannerisms. speech patterns. behaviors. i feel like im just mimicking these characters that aren't even real. it brings me a level of comfort and it's not like i do it consciously - it's just another thing i adopt, but it feels so wrong whenever i remind myself of what i am doing. i feel like i'm basically enabling and allowing myself to strip away at any leftovers of originality and authenticity from who i am. i don't know man i feel like as much as i like doing what i do it also just puts a massive toll on me.
i feel hopeless, i don't want to disable myself from my hyperfixations because that'll literally just be self-destructive and probably make me feel 100 times worse, but if i continue the endless list of names ive picked up will keep piling up.
man what the hell 
Replied on: November 30, 2024 at 9:31:39 PM
I'm not a licensed psychiatrist, nor am I trying to diagnose you, but that sound A LOT like what I deal with because of Autism (mostly). I think what you should do is find a way to create a clear disconnect between your online and IRL identities; as that's what I've had to do. Online I change my name frequently, IRL I've kept the same name for over 3 years now after finding one that I was content with. Though, I am thinking of changing it since I now associate it with a very dark period in my life.
Find a you that you're content with people IRL knowing and wouldn't be worried about judgment or questions toward. Think of it as work vs home.
There's nothing wrong with you so don't worry about that; just keep being yourself so long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone else.
☆
November 30, 2024 at 1:31:51 PM
Would you like me to reply to your entry?:
YEYEEYYSYYEYS.
he said one of my friends that he's been losing feelings and wants to ask me just to be friends. I'm not sure if I can just say goodbye or not, but yk, its hus choice. but then again my friend said we could also take a break, I don't know what to do though. plus the thoughts are getting much scarier and it sounds like someone is in my mind telling me, "no you shouldn't do that," and its just what is going on...
Replied on: November 30, 2024 at 9:20:55 PM
You shouldn't force anyone to stay in a relationship they don't want to be in. If he doesn't want to be with you, you'll just have to accept that fact, regardless of your feelings. If you try to force it he'll grow to resent you, as that can be emotional abuse in some situations.
Anonymous
November 30, 2024 at 4:05:27 AM
Would you like me to reply to your entry?:
no
the feminine urge of wanting to rip my uterus out of my body is skyrocketing
Anonymous
November 29, 2024 at 11:08:32 PM
Would you like me to reply to your entry?:
if you want
i will always be the last option, i fear
Replied on: November 30, 2024 at 5:07:36 AM
Even if you feel that way now, there will be a day that you're picked first. Though, being picked first may not always be desirable. People pick things that are aesthetically pleasing to them, without looking deeper, or forming deeper connections. Being picked second, third, or even last, can be better sometimes, because it lets the right person find you, rather than someone who's just looking for something pretty to hold onto. Not to say you're not pretty/handsome, more of a metaphor than anything.
Just be yourself, hun!
Anonymous
November 29, 2024 at 10:04:18 AM
Would you like me to reply to your entry?:
YES YES YES
this is an extension of the meat one below this.
the utter thought of eating ham generally disgusts me beyond belief now like,,,
Replied on: November 29, 2024 at 6:42:53 PM
Opinions and mentalities change constantly. It's okay, and you don't have to overthink it. If you're disgusted by the thought of meat, that's okay! You should let your family know about it so they can accommodate you, and if they won't, you'll just have to do it for yourself. There's nothing wrong with it, as strange as it seems. It might pass, or it might not; either way, do what makes you comfy.
Anonymous
November 29, 2024 at 10:01:54 AM
Would you like me to reply to your entry?:
yes please
im not vegan or anything but while i was eating thankgiving dinner i had a disgusting thought about where the meat came from and how it once used to belong to a animal and it nearly made me throw up, ive never had any problems with eating meat before but i think that triggered something in me im actually disgusted with my brain
Anonymous
November 29, 2024 at 7:29:45 AM
Would you like me to reply to your entry?:
idc
im all like "im such a silly puppy haha i just want someone to love me and take care of me like id don't have a thought in my head" and then I'm like "ok imsuch a stupid dumb dog stupid idiot dog I'm not good for anytghing
dylickz
November 29, 2024 at 5:11:25 AM
Would you like me to reply to your entry?:
sure!
hey.. hi hope u know ur soo goated for making a book for others to dump their emotions, i really appreciate this of you, hastag will be comin back if i need 2 dump 
Replied on: November 29, 2024 at 6:12:27 AM
<3
xxx
November 29, 2024 at 3:00:12 AM
What's your favorite song for when you're upset?:
alien blues
What's your coping mechanism?:
drawing in my vent book
Who are your trusted people?:
nobody...i cant trust anyone...
Would you like me to reply to your entry?:
no
im....im so sad.....all my friends hate me.....i dont think i can do this anymore....im gonna delete everything for good. all my socials, gone. i just...I HATE EVERYONE. I WISH THEY WOULD UNDERTSANASD
.
i feel bad for everyone around me,im so judgemental and i keep lying im always lying, im not a good person even though i seem to be, im the worst ever and im guilty, myfriends think ive changed in the past 3 or soyears but no im the same. im problematic but i dont show it, because im guilty of myown actions If that makessense. sometimesi make jokes that ill killmyself but it seems that people are realizing that im not joking due to how frequent and the extent i go. ghey havent saifd anything but i know, and ive been told off once because of it lkmfaooo..
another issue im having is the fact that im hyperfixated on my friends to the point im like a fucking lapdog for them because im insane abt them and its so funny, this past week ive only talked to them and once they sleep the exhaustion finally hits me and i get upset and i let that out on everyone else in a way, and when people finally ask im upset or smt i lie and say nothings wrong because im sucha fucking liar.
everyone else in my fucking life seems to have someone else! romantically! but not me! because i havent felt the feeling of love in years! to my family or romantically or to pets, or to anything! im distant? fuck yea in distant not like i can control it , ivebeen numb all my fucking life for some odd reason. i cant fall in love or carefor someone and its fucking sickening!! people always tell me omg ur so lucky youve never been upset over someone or crushing over someone or yadda yadda yadda NO!!! ITS NOT LUCKY!!! IM GONNA CRASH OUT!!
Ive felt like people get bored of mewhich is what i dont want because i actually want friends. One week someones like im so glad that youre my friend and im talking to you and the next they dont even reach out to me, or anything, because im boring and a waste of time
Im in such a financial issue its concerning, because i dont have money for new clothes or wifi / phone bills i cant afford the electric bill , and my parents dont buy me my medication because its to expensive and i cant get mental or physical help because its too expensive, im literally on the brink of death and i need quick help but i cantbecause its too expensive
My parents dont like doctor recommended medicine and they say itll kill me faster and they only buy me natural remedies or vitamins but thats not what i need i literall have almost severe body pain i have untreated pcos i have bowel issues i have severe anxiety i have severe depression but no i cant have medication because itll kill me faster
My parents are 20k in debt to the bank and want to add 500k to that debt and i cant say no because my dad will be like oh you people dont support me in my work and dont let me do anything and dont believe in me and me personally i realy dont want this because if we miss one month we will be ratted out of our own home
My mental health has made me a bad person. I self harm and glorify it when im in an episode, same goes with eating disorders and abusive and toxic relationships.i crave it. I want it when im in an episode. Im ok right now. But when im in an episode i am a horrible person. I am a horrible person and i cant get help because im in a third world country where supposed help is 8 hours away and people care about money more than helping people
I probably left somethings out LMFAO anyways. sorry if im incomprehensible i probably contradicted and repeated but wtv
/pos/gen
-Bllue
